it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
did i just pee glitter
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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