And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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