people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize