You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
