don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
