I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
