Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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