I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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