Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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