I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
