omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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