I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
