was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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