I want to make a zoo with you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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