I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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