i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
