I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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