I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
