i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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