Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
