Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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