Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
