I wish I could punch you in the face.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
