I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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