Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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