we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize