i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I have post one night stand depression
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
