Swine flu. Run for my life!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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