i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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