Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
