well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
