she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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