Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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