i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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