I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
