So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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