I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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