he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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