were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
