i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
