tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sext me about skeletons
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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