When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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