So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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