Pants 0. Shit 1.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
