So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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