sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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