Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
