my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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