you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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