Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
