youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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