We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
