come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
