i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
