Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
