Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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