Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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