I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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