I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
