Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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