i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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