Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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