speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
