you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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