just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
