I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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