you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
