Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
