hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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