I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
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Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
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Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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