he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How external is "for external use only"?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
