Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
