Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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