he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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