well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
