Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
