Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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